Ambush

Every time we travel by air, I practice the art of ambush. We have just returned from our spring break trip, during which, once again, I had to use these skills.

We boarded the plane early in the processional, right after the announcement for those traveling with small children to come forward. We made our way down the skinny aisle to our scattered assigned seats--all five of us separated from one another. I sent Daniel to one seat, Nathan to another, and Eric sat down in yet another and put Stephanie on his lap for the moment. Then I stood next to him near the aisle, waiting to ambush the unsuspecting passenger assigned to seat 14B. As well as the passenger in 15B. And 15C. Hoping to trade...

Of course, it's not usually too hard to find some takers. Especially if you hand them a few diapers, wipes, and noise-making toys and give them the option of staying in their assigned seat next to your 2-year-old. But I just think, if I'm the one making seating arrangements for the flight, shouldn't I at least get a discount?

On one of our flights, I sealed the deal for our last needed seating change with this question: "Would you like to have a lovely child-free seat right over there?"  The nice man quickly agreed and went off to what I can only assume was a very quiet and restful flight. I was a wee bit jealous, in fact.

Top Secrets

From what I can tell, the number one goal of many Americans is having a "flat belly". (That, and lowering car insurance.) And the way to get the flat belly always seems to be the latest "simple trick".

Forgive me, but this particular goal hardly seems worthy of all the attention given to it. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to be healthy and fit, but that won't always lead to a flat belly. Nor is physical activity the suggested method for getting said belly. After signing the family up for another year's membership at our community's fitness center, Eric said, "Too bad we can't get in shape just by paying the fee." Wouldn't that be great? "Okay! We've forked over the money. In one year, we should be all trim and fit."

There are some other topics for which I would love to know the top secrets. For example:

One simple trick for...

• helping your kids to get along with each other
• soundproofing a room
• maintaining your patience in the midst of noise and chaos
• encouraging gratitude in your children

I'm pretty sure all the answers are somewhere in the scriptures (with the exception of soundproofing), but sometimes I have a hard time seeing what's right before my eyes. Time to get out the magnifying glass. (I can read up on these while I'm working on that flat belly.)

Wit & Wisdom

Today I tried another fun little quiz with my boys. The idea of doing this again came to me during our New Testament scripture study last night. When Eric said we were going to be reading about Cornelius, Nathan said, "Cornelius Fudge?" and Daniel said, "Cornelia Augusta?" (she is a cute little character in a picture book called The Day It Rained Hearts). Their answers are gems--sometimes of humor, sometimes great wisdom. Asking the questions also helps me to see where the gaps are in their knowledge of the gospel so we can be more effective teachers.

With Nathan, I asked him who various (and sometimes lesser-known) people in the scriptures were and then asked him some gospel-related questions. Here are his most amusing and insightful responses.

Who was/were--
(I would say the name and wait for his response)
GOLIATH:  "A soldier who was a little too big."
METHUSELAH:  "Wait--Medusa?"
ISHMAEL:  "Ishmael...Ishmael...I'm guessing that he was a male, but other than that I don't know anything. Wait...Ishmael was a girl, right?"
ESTHER:  "Esther was a girl who was born on Easter."
CAIN & ABEL:  "Wasn't Abel a monkey?"
ZORAM:  "Hmmm....he sounds powerful."

Questions--
What does a prophet do?
"They pray about what they should talk about in General Conference and Jesus and Heavenly Father tell them what they should talk about and how it can change people's lives. It's unlikely, but sometimes it's for just one person in the entire world."
What is the priesthood?
"Power and authority from God that allows us to heal people, to bless the sacrament and pass the sacrament."
What do we do in temples?
"We baptize for the dead, we get married, we get sealed to our family so we can live together forever."
Where is Jerusalem?
"In Europe somewhere. Wait! It's...um...on the right of Spain."

With Daniel, the scripture people questions didn't really work, so I just asked general gospel questions. Here are his delightful responses!

What is a prophet?
"A person who is called by God to be the person who leads General Conference and gives speeches."  (Note: For weeks leading up to Gen. Conf., Daniel has been praying "Bless the prophets on their speeches." Very sweet.)
Who is the Holy Ghost?
"Kind of like a spirit that comforts you when you're scared or sad or maybe even when you're mad. If you're a really good person the Holy Ghost will come to you and come inside of you and comfort you and help you. And he whispers instead of talking loud."
What is a testimony?
"When you know about something that is true."
Where is Jerusalem?
"Close to Africa in the state of Asia."
Tell me something about Joseph Smith.
"First prophet. He was getting sick in his leg, so his mom called the doctor and the doctor came right away. And I think he lived in a log cabin. And the doctor came and said he had to cut off his leg."
What is the priesthood?
"It helps the sick and you have to have a prayer when you're putting one little tiny drop of oil on someone's head. It's kind of like a power of the Lord."
What do we do in the temple?
"We worship God and we can pray there."
What does it mean to get sealed in the temple?
"When you get married and you get sealed it's almost like you get tied together with a rope and you never leave each other. And when you die, you're still together."

That seemed like a good note to end on, so I stopped at that point. And I guess it's a good place to stop now as well.

More Mother of Invention

Remember how I have always wanted to be an inventor? Most of my "invention" ideas are really just innovations, though. Here are two more to add to my previous list.

• Cereal Bag Strainer: You know all that fluffy cereal dust that hangs around the bottom of the bag until whoever eats the last bowl of cereal gets it dumped on top of their breakfast? Yeah--see photo above. Well, I really don't like to be that person. So I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if the cereal bag came ready-made with the right size slits or little holes in the bottom? That way, all the fluffy dust would settle on the box bottom, outside the bag, and you would just remove the bag to pour out the remaining cereal! Ta-da! They could even put a strip of adhesive over the bottom of the bag so the cereal would stay fresh until you removed the strip. Okay, I know. This doesn't really fall into the "necessity is the mother of invention" category, but still...it would be nice. (I may try this with scissors...)


• Medicine Cups: Those little teaspoon measuring cups that come with children's medications always get gross, sticky, lost, or broken so quickly. Wouldn't it be perfect if the manufacturer of those little bathroom-size paper or plastic cups starting printing little measurement lines on the inside or outside of the cups? Then you could just use those cups for multiple purposes. Brilliant? Maybe, maybe not, but it would make life a teensy bit easier. It's the little things.

Daylight Savings Time: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

GOOD: I love the extra daylight in the evening! It's very invigorating.

BAD: I foolishly chose this week to begin a new calisthenics regimen created by my friend. Not only am I embarrassingly out of shape, but it feels like it's even earlier when I'm attempting this regimen.

UGLY: The kids haven't fully adjusted to the new time yet, so I'm dragging them along every morning. They're having to get dressed in such a hurry that I've established a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy on dirty underwear. All year, until now, I've made it a habit to ask the boys, especially Daniel, if they had put on fresh underwear when they got dressed in the morning. And I would use my piercing, all-seeing, motherly eyes to stare into their souls and discern whether I was hearing the truth. Now, with 30 seconds till the bus arrives, I've decided it's best just not to ask. Unless I can smell him from a distance.

The House is Bugged

I painted this rock ladybug at girls camp a few years ago. Whichever boy I gave it to quickly forgot about it and moved on. It's now most often seen being carried around by Stephanie who has developed a sincere devotion to bugs. No, I didn't say "fascination" or "interest" or even "fear". Sincere devotion.

She points out the bugs in all the pictures in her story books, she finds bugs and claims them as her own, she tortures them with her love.

But her most devoted moment was during Family Home Evening the week before last. Halfway through the lesson, she ceased her usual disruptive behavior to turn her attention (and demand everyone else's) to a tiny winged insect near the front door. She stood underneath it for the rest of the lesson, saying at intervals, "Buggie!" or "MY buggie!" or "Daddy, go get my buggie." We finished our evening with a closing song--Love One Another with the sign-language actions. Stephanie stood right under the buggie's location on the door frame, cocked her head at a 90 degree angle, and serenaded her buggie through the whole song. Wish we would have video-taped it. Sincere devotion.

Some Enchanted Evening

Once upon a time, a romantic evening went something like this:

Candlelit dinner for two, followed by a walk in the moonlight and some variety of fancy chocolate dessert. Really romantic would have included flowers and semi-formal attire. But gone are the days of sparkling cider and roses.

Last night, Eric and I had an impromptu date at the kitchen table after the kids went to bed. It went something like this:

We brushed the crumbs out of the way (he actually popped one in his mouth--pink cake), then we talked about the day and ended up taking turns quoting Stephanie's current favorite bedtime story verbatim.

Eric--"This is Gossie. Gossie is a gosling."
Me--"A small yellow gosling who likes to wear bright red boots."
Together--"Every day." Laugh!

We finished by deciding we were both hungry and so we poured ourselves some cereal and kept talking.

And this morning, I thought to myself, "That was just as good a date as going to a fancy restaurant." We laughed and talked about our kids and just relaxed. Of course, there are times we really need to go out and be away from the house and the kids. But staying in can be great, too. I was happy to realize I don't even mind that our dancing shoes, bouquets, and truffles have been replaced by rubber duckies, rhyming books, and marshmallows. And when we want to dance, he can grab my hand and say, "They're playing our Primary song."

Deciphering Boys: Entrepreneurship-Part 2

We don't have a money tree. We don't even have any money tree seeds. But we do have a money BOY. He is always coming up with creative ways to make money. I thought it would be fun to tell about his most recent scheme using pictographs. So here's an article from my personal magazine: Motherhood Illustrated.

Green beans for dinner.

Daniel hates them with all the passion he can harness. They are FORBIDDEN. "I'm NOT eating them!"

Nathan has an idea! A green paper kind of idea. "I'll eat your green beans if you pay me a dollar. Then you can still have a treat." Daniel readily accepts this plan.

Me: (like my boots?)

"Umm....no. You can't pay Nathan to be healthy for you."

Kids these days. Money, money, money.

Learning Curve

Over the past 11 plus years of parenting, I have found various ways to save myself time and trouble. I think this might be called "survival". Here's one snapshot of how my parental learning curve has progressed (for better or worse) as, one by one, each child has come into the family.

When we had 1 child:
CHILD: (5pm) "Can I have some candy?" Beg, beg...
ME: "No, you need to wait until after dinner. How about something healthy?"

With 2 children:
CHILDREN: (5pm) "Can we have some candy?" Beg, beg, beg, repeated 8 times (per child)...
ME: "Wait a second and I'll help you get ONE piece. Then you need to wait until after dinner."

With 3 children:
CHILDREN: (5pm) "Can we have some candy?" Pleeeeaaaase, beg, beg, beg, infinity (per child)...
ME: "You can have whatever you want if you can get it yourself."

See how we've progressed? You can imagine what great parents we'd be if we had SEVEN children.