Deciphering Boys: Entrepreneurship-Part 2

We don't have a money tree. We don't even have any money tree seeds. But we do have a money BOY. He is always coming up with creative ways to make money. I thought it would be fun to tell about his most recent scheme using pictographs. So here's an article from my personal magazine: Motherhood Illustrated.

Green beans for dinner.

Daniel hates them with all the passion he can harness. They are FORBIDDEN. "I'm NOT eating them!"

Nathan has an idea! A green paper kind of idea. "I'll eat your green beans if you pay me a dollar. Then you can still have a treat." Daniel readily accepts this plan.

Me: (like my boots?)

"Umm....no. You can't pay Nathan to be healthy for you."

Kids these days. Money, money, money.

Learning Curve

Over the past 11 plus years of parenting, I have found various ways to save myself time and trouble. I think this might be called "survival". Here's one snapshot of how my parental learning curve has progressed (for better or worse) as, one by one, each child has come into the family.

When we had 1 child:
CHILD: (5pm) "Can I have some candy?" Beg, beg...
ME: "No, you need to wait until after dinner. How about something healthy?"

With 2 children:
CHILDREN: (5pm) "Can we have some candy?" Beg, beg, beg, repeated 8 times (per child)...
ME: "Wait a second and I'll help you get ONE piece. Then you need to wait until after dinner."

With 3 children:
CHILDREN: (5pm) "Can we have some candy?" Pleeeeaaaase, beg, beg, beg, infinity (per child)...
ME: "You can have whatever you want if you can get it yourself."

See how we've progressed? You can imagine what great parents we'd be if we had SEVEN children.

On Pins and Needles

Acupuncturist for Hire:
At least, I hope it's acupuncture and not voodoo. But the boys were watching Princess and the Frog recently, so...it's iffy.

As you can see, she is carefully finding those pressure points on her puppy. Important note: I don't usually allow her to play with pins and needles. I had my sewing box out for something and forgot to put it away before she got up this morning.

Ta-da! Puppy will be better in no time. (Either better, or dead. Could be voodoo.)

In case you're wondering, she did try it on the cat also.

He didn't like it.

Voice-print

How much can you tell about a person over the phone?

A few days ago, I had reason to call for a doctor's appointment for myself and ended up talking to someone on the nurse-line. During my appointment that afternoon I glanced at the computer screen and saw the description of me the nurse had given after our conversation:

"Alert, pleasant female in no acute distress."

It seemed so flat. Two-dimensional. Me in one sentence. But my next thought was that I was just very thankful to be given the "pleasant" label. I don't often get that in a mini-bio. Maybe I just don't deserve it. Anyway, it made me think, "How would I describe the rest of my family in that nurse-y patient-status format?" So here's what I came up with:

(I'm not always as cynical as I sound in these. I do really love my family. But these are pretty honest assessments of the "norm"s.)

NATHAN: "Lethargic, whining male in chronic perceived distress."

DANIEL: "Hyperactive, combative male in acute sugar overload." (When it comes to moods, this is probably the 9-1-1 equivalent.)

STEPHANIE: "Energetic, insistent young female in chronic emotional flux."

ERIC: "Unresponsive but agreeable male in chronic state of exhaustion." (The poor guy is always burning the candle at both ends. Like most males, he's good at tuning us all out, but he is very agreeable and patient.)

Seeing that nurse's note was a good reminder to me that the people I encounter throughout the day see me through a very specific lens and I don't always give them reason to call me "pleasant". I need to add that to my 2011 goals, which is a sure-fire way to make sure nothing changes. Kidding, I hope.

Mother of Invention

Out of necessity, mothers become inventors. Or something like that.

Secretly, I have always wanted to be an inventor. There have been so many moments when exasperation and imagination have merged in my mind to create a brilliant idea for something to make my life easier. (Brilliant to me, at least.) Unfortunately, I only rarely remember the ideas when the moment of greatest necessity has passed. A few of them have been followed by a *ka-ching* thought, but I wouldn't have any idea how to get a new invention produced.

Most of my ideas have been related to baby-care, but not all. Here are a few items I think would make life go a little more smoothly:

Invention #1: "The Boomerang Cup" The first-ever sippy cup with a homing device. This would prevent virtually all those disgusting moments of discovering a two-week-old cheesy-smelly milk substance in the previously missing cup. Simply push the button on the home-base monitor, and the cup lights up and makes a beeping sound which gets louder until you locate it and return it to the base.

Invention #2: "Tall-to-Small Stroller" This is a stroller with telescoping handles. You can adjust them to be very short so that older children can easily push the stroller around, or you can adjust them to be perfect for your arm-length, your husband's, Grandma's, babysitter's, you get the idea.

Invention #3: "The You-Go-Girl" This is a user-friendly way for girls to use the bathroom on the go. You know how sometimes you are stuck in traffic and one or more kids need to use the bathroom? NOW?!? If they're boys (and it's #1), you just hand them the empty bottle you keep for just these kinds of occasions. Put the lid on, put it out of sight and smell-range, voila! But girls? Not so easy. Until now. I don't want to describe this one in detail. I think my mother reads my blog from time to time. Plus, if I ever make the prototype, I think it's VERY marketable.

Don't tell me if these already exist. I want to believe I was the first to think of them.

No...I guess you should tell me.