Shapeshifters

Okay, T-minus 6 days to camp and I have to do something other than prep for camp or my brain is going to explode.

So here's what I want to share today. My children are shapeshifters. They are really quite amazingly talented. Some of their forms:

STEPHANIE: Easily shifts into her octopus form any time I try to buckle her into something (carseat, stroller, shopping cart). Suddenly, it's like she has tentacles swirling around, in and out of straps and latches, all moving in different directions.

DANIEL: Perhaps the most adept of my shapeshifters, whenever he is asked to do ANY kind of work or chore whatsoever, he instantly becomes roadkill. Squashed flat, not moving a muscle, you would think he was actually dead. We then have to scrape him up off the carpet and do CPR. He is also excellent at shifting into a laughing hyena, a Tasmanian Devil, and a sloth.

NATHAN: Takes the shape of a fly-on-the-wall daily. Wherever there is a conversation to be overheard, that boy is there, eavesdropping and plotting to use the information to his advantage. He is very stealthy. Also morphs into a crow regularly--finding and keeping shiny objects in his "nest" of a room. Any discarded little metal object can become a treasure.

Despite how it sounds, I love my shapeshifters. Do your children have this super-power?

Buried Alive

Help! I'm being buried alive!

I've been missing in action for quite awhile now. Every once in awhile, I try to come back here and post something--I have ideas all the time of things to write about. Just no time to do it. So I'm just here long enough to say that, after camp, I will re-surface. I serve as the stake YW camp director and this time of year is crazy. Fun. But crazy. Here's what my days are like:

• Planning for camp
• Emailing about camp
• Phone calls for camp
• Brainstorming for camp
• Shopping for camp
• Pretending I'm listening when other people talk about something other than camp
• Feeding my children
• Promising my children I will make it up to them after camp

Nearly every night, I tiptoe into the bedroom between 12 and 1am and try not to disturb Eric, who is sleeping (and usually snoring). Then I toss-and-turn for quite awhile, eventually fall asleep, and dream about...do I even have to say it? One of my recent dream episodes included all of the following: our camp T-shirts were neon orange (they are, in fact, royal blue); my asst. director and I had to share a queen-sized bed at camp--bizarre; and last, I dreamed we finished our clean-up of the camp an hour early and there were 150+ people crammed into a sauna-of-a-cabin looking at me and waiting for me to give them something to do.

Following my after-hours return to the bedroom (we're back in my real world now), Eric gets up at some ghastly hour (I think 4:30) and kisses me on the forehead before departing. The sad thing is, I'm usually mildly awake and stewing again by that time.

See you after CAMP!

Trusted Advisors

Isn't she lovely?

I wanted to start this post off with a clever little text phrase to show how clued-in I am, specifically this: IMHO. But then I realized I'm not sure if it means "In my HUMBLE opinion" or "In my HONEST opinion". I guess either one works, right? (Although, I tend to be more honest than humble.) Anyway...

IMHO, the most sound and relevant advice comes from our living prophets. But, occasionally, I also take advice from John Bytheway, my friend Stephanie, and even, drum roll please, my mother. Here's what I've taken to heart:

• Living prophets: Most recently, I'm taking advice from Elder Christofferson. In April, he counseled us "willingly to accept and even seek correction." Wow. Just accepting it is hard enough for me. Seeking it has been pretty much unheard of in my life. But I am taking his advice. Here's the link to his excellent talk.
• John Bytheway: Yep, I take advice from him too. And he says it's important to persevere. (I know lots of other great people have said this as well, but when he says it, it's also funny.) So we've been trying to help our children learn to persevere and do hard things. We rode our bikes to Daniel's baseball game yesterday, which was hard work for Daniel. He complained some and got tired, but we kept encouraging him and he felt so good when he did it. Great advice.
• My friend Stephanie: One of her best qualities is honesty. And when I told her one reason I don't like asking other people for favors is because then I will need to do a favor in return (see, I was honest too), she said, "Okay. You need to work on that." Not a bossy rebuke or judgment, just a simple statement of fact. (This ties in nicely with Elder Christofferson's talk about chastening and correction.) And she's right. I should work on that. Serving others and being served is a pretty essential thing.
• My mom (see photo): Yes, mom, I do sometimes take your advice. Much more often now than as a teenager. One of my mother's axioms is "Talk till it's better." I think we've all come to love and appreciate this (or at least tolerate it) in my mom. She will talk about something till the cows come home, the fat lady is singing, she's blue in the face, and all avenues have been explored. But she will NEVER go to bed or go away until whatever it is has been resolved. I had that experience recently also. When someone dear to me was upset with me, I took my mom's advice and stayed until things were worked out. It wasn't easy. But mom was right--that was the best way to do it.

Thank goodness for trusted advisors. Since I now know I'm supposed to seek correction, anyone else have something to tell me?

Houdini and the Water Bill

I could also title this post, "How to have a stressful vacation." While our spring break trip was good in many ways, it was not relaxing. Worrisome things were happening back at the homestead. I had asked my very kind and generous neighbor to care for our cat while we were away. I hated to ask her this favor, but I was out of options. We left on a Tuesday evening and I told my neighbor we would just make sure Mako (the cat) was inside with plenty of food before we left, which he was, and that way she wouldn't need to do anything for him until Wednesday morning.

See the photo above? That's what he was doing when we left. Several eyewitnesses saw him calmly bathing himself right before we closed the door and departed. All was well.

That night, right before I got into bed, I found a text from my neighbor saying that she had seen that Mako was on the front porch that evening, so she came over and took him inside. She had to carry him because he wouldn't go in. I read her text around 1:30am her time, so I couldn't call her to say, "That can't be Mako! He was inside when we left." There is another cat in the neighborhood that looks like him, so all night I had nightmares of this other cat hurting Mako (who is missing some key defensive weapons--front claws*) or WORSE, hurting my house--carpet, furniture, etc. Eric and I laughed about it, but still worried. A lot.

The next morning we texted back and forth and she sent me a photo labeled, "This is the cat I'm taking care of." It was definitely Mako. Whew! Felt better. But it's a mystery how he got out. Again...eyewitnesses. One of them pretty reliable.

Oh...and Mako also left cat waste products in the dining room for my neighbor to clean up. Three times. So thoughtful of him. Eric is hoping he has a short life span.

Two days later, another text from my neighbor. She had discovered our water was on outside in the backyard, along with the river it had created, and wanted to warn me that the water bill might be scary. It was, in fact, most frightening. $250!!! And we don't even know who to yell at. Of course, both the boys assure us it was not them. Naturally.

Those hidden costs of vacation can really get you.

*Just FYI, we did not de-claw Mako, he came to us that way. Though, I think Eric is considering yanking out the back claws now as well.

Ambush

Every time we travel by air, I practice the art of ambush. We have just returned from our spring break trip, during which, once again, I had to use these skills.

We boarded the plane early in the processional, right after the announcement for those traveling with small children to come forward. We made our way down the skinny aisle to our scattered assigned seats--all five of us separated from one another. I sent Daniel to one seat, Nathan to another, and Eric sat down in yet another and put Stephanie on his lap for the moment. Then I stood next to him near the aisle, waiting to ambush the unsuspecting passenger assigned to seat 14B. As well as the passenger in 15B. And 15C. Hoping to trade...

Of course, it's not usually too hard to find some takers. Especially if you hand them a few diapers, wipes, and noise-making toys and give them the option of staying in their assigned seat next to your 2-year-old. But I just think, if I'm the one making seating arrangements for the flight, shouldn't I at least get a discount?

On one of our flights, I sealed the deal for our last needed seating change with this question: "Would you like to have a lovely child-free seat right over there?"  The nice man quickly agreed and went off to what I can only assume was a very quiet and restful flight. I was a wee bit jealous, in fact.

Top Secrets

From what I can tell, the number one goal of many Americans is having a "flat belly". (That, and lowering car insurance.) And the way to get the flat belly always seems to be the latest "simple trick".

Forgive me, but this particular goal hardly seems worthy of all the attention given to it. Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to be healthy and fit, but that won't always lead to a flat belly. Nor is physical activity the suggested method for getting said belly. After signing the family up for another year's membership at our community's fitness center, Eric said, "Too bad we can't get in shape just by paying the fee." Wouldn't that be great? "Okay! We've forked over the money. In one year, we should be all trim and fit."

There are some other topics for which I would love to know the top secrets. For example:

One simple trick for...

• helping your kids to get along with each other
• soundproofing a room
• maintaining your patience in the midst of noise and chaos
• encouraging gratitude in your children

I'm pretty sure all the answers are somewhere in the scriptures (with the exception of soundproofing), but sometimes I have a hard time seeing what's right before my eyes. Time to get out the magnifying glass. (I can read up on these while I'm working on that flat belly.)

Wit & Wisdom

Today I tried another fun little quiz with my boys. The idea of doing this again came to me during our New Testament scripture study last night. When Eric said we were going to be reading about Cornelius, Nathan said, "Cornelius Fudge?" and Daniel said, "Cornelia Augusta?" (she is a cute little character in a picture book called The Day It Rained Hearts). Their answers are gems--sometimes of humor, sometimes great wisdom. Asking the questions also helps me to see where the gaps are in their knowledge of the gospel so we can be more effective teachers.

With Nathan, I asked him who various (and sometimes lesser-known) people in the scriptures were and then asked him some gospel-related questions. Here are his most amusing and insightful responses.

Who was/were--
(I would say the name and wait for his response)
GOLIATH:  "A soldier who was a little too big."
METHUSELAH:  "Wait--Medusa?"
ISHMAEL:  "Ishmael...Ishmael...I'm guessing that he was a male, but other than that I don't know anything. Wait...Ishmael was a girl, right?"
ESTHER:  "Esther was a girl who was born on Easter."
CAIN & ABEL:  "Wasn't Abel a monkey?"
ZORAM:  "Hmmm....he sounds powerful."

Questions--
What does a prophet do?
"They pray about what they should talk about in General Conference and Jesus and Heavenly Father tell them what they should talk about and how it can change people's lives. It's unlikely, but sometimes it's for just one person in the entire world."
What is the priesthood?
"Power and authority from God that allows us to heal people, to bless the sacrament and pass the sacrament."
What do we do in temples?
"We baptize for the dead, we get married, we get sealed to our family so we can live together forever."
Where is Jerusalem?
"In Europe somewhere. Wait! It's...um...on the right of Spain."

With Daniel, the scripture people questions didn't really work, so I just asked general gospel questions. Here are his delightful responses!

What is a prophet?
"A person who is called by God to be the person who leads General Conference and gives speeches."  (Note: For weeks leading up to Gen. Conf., Daniel has been praying "Bless the prophets on their speeches." Very sweet.)
Who is the Holy Ghost?
"Kind of like a spirit that comforts you when you're scared or sad or maybe even when you're mad. If you're a really good person the Holy Ghost will come to you and come inside of you and comfort you and help you. And he whispers instead of talking loud."
What is a testimony?
"When you know about something that is true."
Where is Jerusalem?
"Close to Africa in the state of Asia."
Tell me something about Joseph Smith.
"First prophet. He was getting sick in his leg, so his mom called the doctor and the doctor came right away. And I think he lived in a log cabin. And the doctor came and said he had to cut off his leg."
What is the priesthood?
"It helps the sick and you have to have a prayer when you're putting one little tiny drop of oil on someone's head. It's kind of like a power of the Lord."
What do we do in the temple?
"We worship God and we can pray there."
What does it mean to get sealed in the temple?
"When you get married and you get sealed it's almost like you get tied together with a rope and you never leave each other. And when you die, you're still together."

That seemed like a good note to end on, so I stopped at that point. And I guess it's a good place to stop now as well.

More Mother of Invention

Remember how I have always wanted to be an inventor? Most of my "invention" ideas are really just innovations, though. Here are two more to add to my previous list.

• Cereal Bag Strainer: You know all that fluffy cereal dust that hangs around the bottom of the bag until whoever eats the last bowl of cereal gets it dumped on top of their breakfast? Yeah--see photo above. Well, I really don't like to be that person. So I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if the cereal bag came ready-made with the right size slits or little holes in the bottom? That way, all the fluffy dust would settle on the box bottom, outside the bag, and you would just remove the bag to pour out the remaining cereal! Ta-da! They could even put a strip of adhesive over the bottom of the bag so the cereal would stay fresh until you removed the strip. Okay, I know. This doesn't really fall into the "necessity is the mother of invention" category, but still...it would be nice. (I may try this with scissors...)


• Medicine Cups: Those little teaspoon measuring cups that come with children's medications always get gross, sticky, lost, or broken so quickly. Wouldn't it be perfect if the manufacturer of those little bathroom-size paper or plastic cups starting printing little measurement lines on the inside or outside of the cups? Then you could just use those cups for multiple purposes. Brilliant? Maybe, maybe not, but it would make life a teensy bit easier. It's the little things.

Daylight Savings Time: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

GOOD: I love the extra daylight in the evening! It's very invigorating.

BAD: I foolishly chose this week to begin a new calisthenics regimen created by my friend. Not only am I embarrassingly out of shape, but it feels like it's even earlier when I'm attempting this regimen.

UGLY: The kids haven't fully adjusted to the new time yet, so I'm dragging them along every morning. They're having to get dressed in such a hurry that I've established a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy on dirty underwear. All year, until now, I've made it a habit to ask the boys, especially Daniel, if they had put on fresh underwear when they got dressed in the morning. And I would use my piercing, all-seeing, motherly eyes to stare into their souls and discern whether I was hearing the truth. Now, with 30 seconds till the bus arrives, I've decided it's best just not to ask. Unless I can smell him from a distance.