Codename: Mean Mom

I have just invented a new system for measuring the relative mean-ness of individual mothers. It's called The Strichter Scale and, as the name suggests, it measures the impact of rules, chores, and punishments on children who are in the vicinity of maternal seismic activity.

For many years, I have compared myself to other mothers and tried to be less strict than that one over there, but perhaps more strict than this one over here, in the hopes that my children will have a nice balance somewhere between spoiled rotten and indentured servitude. As long as there are a few mothers who are stricter than I am, I feel like a nice mom. It also helps to be able to say to my children, "I know I'm strict, but aren't you glad 'Mrs. So-and-so' is not your mom?"

Now, of course, some children are more sensitive to these tremors than others. Something that would normally register at about 5.5 on the Strichter Scale may come in at something in the neighborhood of 7.9 with a sensitive child. Without naming names, let me just say that I know what I'm talking about when I say "sensitive child". A simple request to pick up a few blocks and toys can register as an 8.8 quake in our house. And sometimes the aftershocks can be more severe than the initial one.

Once in a while, when the situation warrants it, we attempt to cause an earthquake. This happens when there has been a severe infraction of a rule and we are set the task of fixing the appropriate punishment. We then go for the gusto and announce the removal of some privilege, with the hope that that will really shake the house and help that child to make better choices in the future. However, it usually registers very low on the Strichter Scale and we scramble to come up with some kind of aftershock that will add to the blow.

I must admit, from time to time, I am the sensitive person over-reacting to events in our household. The aftershocks in those cases are completely unpredictable and always result in regret on my part, which just shows how unstable and fragile our little world really is. Do scientists ever attempt to repair those cracks in the earth's crust that lead to earthquakes? They probably don't, but maybe we mothers should.