Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

I hesitate to write this because it reveals something about me that I am trying very hard to change. The sad truth is, 20 years from now, if you were to ask my children what was the worst "crime" they could commit in our household, they would almost surely answer, "Noise." Even as I write this, I am ssshh-ing my children. (Can't you just HEAR that photo?) Noise, especially the chaotic kind, is an event that sets my nerves on fire. I can't think, I can't speak, I can't even really breathe until I find somewhere to get away from it. This is how it has been for years, but just yesterday I noticed a fascinating phenomenon in the way I deal with the noise around the house: I often blame one child for another child's noise.

This is not as wrong as it sounds. Hear me out. (And notice my great noise-related word choices in those previous sentences.) When child A offends child B, child B will almost always respond with some sort of outcry (meaning noise). This, of course, gets my attention (because of the noise) and I call down the stairs to child A, saying to "knock it off" so that child B will resume normal volume (before he wakes up child C). I think this seems reasonable, except when child A is justified in whatever he has done, which so far has been never. As an added note, child B usually gets a mini-lecture on decibals. Another example would be when someone does something that wakes up the baby. When the baby cries, she is the one making the noise, but someone else has caused it and, therefore, gets the blame for the noise.

I have identified four major categories for when noise is offensive to me.

1. Naptime
2. While I'm on the phone
3. While I'm trying to concentrate
4. When we're watching a movie

I recognize that these four categories cover much of the day. So, what is the appropriate "punishment" for this crime of noise? Should I duct tape their mouths closed? No, that could get me in trouble. Plus, they would just make non-verbal noise instead. They're very talented when it comes to making a racket. Should I have a special Noise Room where they go in, close the door, and then have to listen to their noise repeated over and over and over until they despise it as much as I do? Not practical. I have it: Silence! Silence would be the perfect penalty for noise-infractions. But how to enforce it? Hmmm. It's a mystery. Perhaps the best scenario here would be for me to admit to myself that these are magical years of raising children that will never come again, and tolerating the extra noise now will bring peace (of mind, at least) later. And, in the end, if I can't figure out how to put up with the clamor and the commotion, I will have punished myself.